Tellah's Banana Hammock Rendezvous
by TellahSmella420
Summary: A romantic story of the intimate and forbidden love that Tellah and FuSoYa share.


Tellah's Banana Hammock Rendezvous  
By TellahSmella420

It was a beautiful, sunny day. Tellah was on his porch, sunbathing, dressed in nothing but a leopard print banana hammock. His old man body was on prominant display, resembling an assortment of cat bones jostling around inside a burlap sack. He reclined in a folding lawn chair, the surface clinging to his flesh and raising square-shaped bulges in his skin, and he held a reflective surface in his hands that was actually an old dungeon master's screen that he had wrapped in tin foil.

It was then that FuSoYa arrived on the scene, the second old man tossing his robes aside revealing his own body, also clad only in a skimpy banana hammock, this one a brilliant shade of red that naturaly attracted the eye. He dove into the lawn chair and began vigorously making out with Tellah, their geriatric bodies grinding against each other like somebody was slapping two albino prunes together in a misguided attempt to start a campfire.

Between gasping kisses, FuSoYa spoke, "Oh, Tellah, no one must ever know about our forbidden love."

Tellah replied, "I'm afraid it's a little late for that. I already told Cecil and Rosa and Yang and Cid and Palom and Porom and Young Rydia and Adult Rydia and Golbez and Zemus and Namingway and Calcabrina and Tellah and FuSoYa."

FuSoYa gave an exasperated sigh, and moaned, "Then the only honorable thing for us to do is to get married."

Tellah smirked. "I thought you'd never say so." He reached into his banana hammock and pulled out a small box, opening it to reveal a beautiful diamond ring. "It's also a Regen Ring, so it will help you recover from injuries. It's also a Viagra Ring."

"Oh my," FuSoYa said with a blush, then coyly asked, "Where do I equip it?"

The two old men once more began feverishly making out, their wet tongues slapping against each other, their boney hands groping about. But as their wrinkled bodies rubbed against each other, the friction between them was so intense that they both began to chafe.

"Oh my," FuSoYa sighed, "at this rate I'm going to get rug burn!"

So Tellah took a moment to murmur a few mystical words, the wizard casting a spell called Baby Oilaga, a spell that he had invented himself by banging two rocks together. Immediately a thick coating of slippery, greasy lubricant covered both men and much of the porch.

"That's the stuff!" FuSoYa said. But as he and Tellah began making out again, the two of them slid right off the slippery lawn chair. They kept sliding around on the porch, making clumsy failed attempts to stand up, until eventually they both slipped right off the edge of the porch.

Tellah's summer home was situated at the very peak of Mount Ordeals. Once he and FuSoYa slipped off the edge, they took to the slope of the mountain's face, their frictionless bodies rapidly sliding down the incline. The nature of the slope caused the men to pick up more and more speed as they progressed, and indeed was a popular spot for skiing in the wintertime. Tellah and FuSoYa began sliding so fast that their baggy faces flapped in the wind. The only thing they could manage to say was "WHEEEEEEE!"

As they neared the bottom of the slope, Tellah began to slow to a halt. FuSoYa, on the other hand, suddenly hit an upward incline at his top speed, which rocketed him into the sky. FuSoYa quickly broke atmosphere and flew into space, where he became a star.

"Oh, FuSoYa, I will never forget you," Tellah sighed. He shed a single tear, which fell from his face and landed on the petals of a white rose. The flower immediately wilted and turned to ash, which was carried away on the wind out to the sea.

The End

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I hope that you have enjoyed this romantic Final Fantasy 4 fanfiction by TellahSmella420. All of my fanfiction is written in my Fanfic Chamber, an old abandoned telephone booth in a remote and secret location. Indeed, this story was written in touch tone. Please do not use baby oil as a personal lubricant, especially if you are also making use of latex condoms!


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